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e-mail | J. Nicklas Andersson

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2003-05-12

So, we’re officially screwed. The Hellblazer movie is going to be... Batman & Robin all over again.

Shuler Donner added that it will be a challenge selling audiences on a hero without the name recognition of X-Men. “I think the challenge is just to make a really good movie,” she said. “Even though there’s a name, a cachet, the movie [still] has to stand up on its own.”

Well. Let’s see. They’ve taken John Constantine and made him 1) American, 2) a con-man and 3) into Keanu Reeves. Neither of these changes are any good, and the producer thinks mr Reeves is perfect for the part. The whole point is that Constantine doesn’t have to use magic as he charms his way through life anyway. And they’ve given him a Batmobile.

Even better is this, from another interview:

“He’s hot in the role, he’s perfect for Hellblazer because he has that innocent quality about him, a bit naive, but someone you like,” Donner says to Zap2it.com. “He’s a bit like Tarzan, or a hero like that. But this time, he sends demons to hell.”

Naive? Constantine? I’m howling with laughter here. Really. I hope this never gets made... Can’t Terry Gilliam visit the set or something? With his pockets full of rocks from the Failed Movie About Don Quiote. Anything. Please.